Raising Kids to Have a Healthy Relationship with Food: How Should I Talk About Food and Nutrition with My Child?
In my practice, I often speak with clients about their food beliefs or why they choose to eat what they do and when. For better or worse, these beliefs are often rooted in parental advice, criticism, and example. I spend a lot of time with these clients untangling their food philosophy. Deciphering what is true about food and nutrition and what is based on unrealistic eating rules created to alter the body they are in. So much of this could be avoided by raising kids to have a healthy relationship with food.
While we cannot go back and rewrite anything we learned in childhood we can question what we believe to be true and how we should live. If you are a parent how you live is important because you are setting the example. You have the opportunity to lay a strong foundation for your child against untrue and damaging messages about food and body image.
We can’t prevent exposure but we can inoculate our children by creating a home where is it safe to love your body.
Childhood is an important time to create habits and build resilience against diet culture that will help your kids to have a healthy relationship with food for a lifetime. Below are five things to think about when speaking with your children to create a home that is safe to love your body and to enjoy food that nourishes it.
1. Foods choices are no moral issue
We often categorize foods as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ or ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’. When we categorize foods like this it is easy to make the jump to thinking to be a good and healthy person we must eat ‘good’ and ‘healthy’ foods. The same goes for the adverse, we are bad and unhealthy if we have a day that we eat self-determined foods in those categories. This approach sets everyone up for failure, including our kids. It teaches them we need to choose foods based on their category or morality not based on what their bodies are telling them. Eating can become stressful and lead to guilt and shame. This is especially true for those little ones who are rule followers and so badly want to be good for mom and dad!
Teach your child to approach foods neutrally. As well as avoiding categorizing food into ‘good’ and ‘bad’, be mindful not to vilify foods. For example, instead of saying “processed meat like pepperoni will give you cancer.” Try, “Let’s mix a little bit of meat with a bunch of veggies on our pizza.” Or instead of saying, “juice will rot your teeth.” Try, “we always brush our teeth after having juice.” One last example, instead of saying ‘junk food’ try saying ‘play food’ or ‘fun food’ instead to take away the stigma.
2. Speaking of ‘junk’ food.
You want your child to be healthy, who doesn’t, right? But acting as the food police and restricting foods might be doing more harm than good for your child long term.
All foods have some nutritional value. Some more than others obviously, but those foods low in nutritional value are still valuable in your child’s diet. They are often the foods that get everyone gathered around the table for a special event. Or the ones that spark creativity in the kitchen and create memories like making cookies with grandma or the special birthday cake.
By forbidding the less nutritionally dense food from your home (cookies, candy, chips, ice cream, etc.) it increases your child’s preference for them and the likely hood to binge on them when they have the opportunity. Studies have shown that parental control of kids food intake actually increases their enthusiasm for and intake of those restricted foods [1]. Just like any diet or form of restriction, food policing from a parental figure disrupts the body’s greatest tool to nourish itself: hunger and fullness signals.
Now, obviously, as a dietitian I am not saying that nutrient-dense foods don’t matter. It is still important to have plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables in your home. In fact, the level of availability and accessibility of fruits and vegetables in the home is positively correlated with children’s preferences for these foods and level of consumption [2]. So stock your pantry well with a wide variety of foods and create a home environment that has a variety of foods from broccoli to tater tots to ice cream.
3. What is your own relationship to food and body like?
Studies have shown that the more frequently someone participated in ‘fat talk’ (conversations about what their eating and exercise habits should be, their concerns of becoming overweight, how they perceived their own weight and shape) the lower their body satisfaction became and the higher their level of depression became after three weeks [3]. Studies have also found that ‘fat talk’ by mothers is significantly correlated with ‘fat talk’ by their daughters and associated with their daughter’s negative body image.
Body positive talk does not mean you have to all of a sudden start talking about your body in a positive light all the time around your kids. It can be simple enough to acknowledge that you feel good in your body and you are okay with it.
Indirect communication can also be very powerful. Model healthy habits like being physically active, enjoying a wide variety of foods, and appreciating what your body can do for you. This can be as simple as participating in regular family meals. Model what it would look like to allow yourself to enjoy food and nourish your body well. Teaching your kids to have a healthy relationship with their body has a direct relationship to them having a healthy relationship with food.
4. Disband the clean plate club
We are all born intuitive eaters, through external stimuli we often unlearn how to trust our bodies. Intuitive eaters fully trust their body’s wisdom. They eat according to their hunger, fullness, and satisfaction cues, without guilt, rules, or restriction. Intuitive eating approaches have been found to positively impact eating habits, body image, self-esteem, psychological health, and quality of life.
The clean plate club is essentially the opposite of intuitive eating. It’s saying ignore all your bodily senses and eat everything that is in front of you. This is an easy mistake. Parents are doing this because they love their children. They want to make sure they are getting all the nutrition they need. However, in the long run, it may be doing more harm than good. Those practices can override a child’s innate ability to self-regulate energy intake.
Pressuring children to eat healthy foods, restricting unhealthy foods, praising children for finishing their food (clean plate), and offering energy-dense foods as a reward for consuming nutrient-dense foods are all feeding practices that should be avoided.
Instead of saying, “Finish your plate before you leave the table.”
Try, “if your tummy is full, you can leave it.”
Teach your little ones to tune into their bodies. This may be the most important skill you can teach your kid to have a healthy relationship with food.
5. Cook with your child
“When the joy goes out of eating, nutrition suffers.”
This is one of my favorite quotes. I think cooking is one of the most creative and fun ways to enjoy the process of eating and nourishing yourself. Pass this joy along to your child by getting in the kitchen together. This can work in their favor on many levels. One, you can be confident you are teaching your child basic life skills. They won’t go off to college only knowing how to cook Ramen noodles. Two, it’s a time to bond and create positive memories around food! I feel like this is so important because much of what we hear about food is vilifying it.
Cooking can also help those picky eaters to be more adventurous. Getting your child to initially try some of those healthy foods may have you feeling frustrated. Children are often hesitant to try new things; this is normal and pressuring your child to try Brussel sprouts the first time they have ever seen them may backfire! The best way to get them to try is to have them help to prepare them. Pique their interest and curiosity. One of my favorite things in my kids cooking classes is when I have a parent come up to me after and say, “My child is usually so picky, but they loved everything we made today!” I cannot tell you how many times this has happened at one of my classes and each time it’s amazing to hear!
More resources to cultivate positive body image
For more resources on raising kids to have a healthy relationship with food check out my Body Positive Parenting Resource Guide and other blog posts about a healthy approach to food and body for parents.
Sources:
[1] Rollins BY, Loken E, Savage JS, Birch LL. Effects of restriction on children’s intake differ by child temperament, food reinforcement, and parent’s chronic use of restriction. Appetite. 2014;73:31–39. doi:10.1016/j.appet.2013.10.005
[2] Birch L, Savage JS, Ventura A. Influences on the Development of Children’s Eating Behaviours: From Infancy to Adolescence. Can J Diet Pract Res. 2007;68(1):s1–s56.
[3] Voelker DK, Reel JJ, Greenleaf C. Weight status and body image perceptions in adolescents: current perspectives. Adolesc Health Med Ther. 2015;6:149–158. Published 2015 Aug 25. doi:10.2147/AHMT.S68344
